Covid-19: Hope and Suggestions, and a bit of humor (non-covid-19)

Prayer for a Pandemic

May we who are merely inconvenienced

Remember those whose lives are at stake. 

May we who have no risk factors

Remember those most vulnerable.

May we who have the luxury of working from home

Remember those who must choose between preserving their health or making their rent.

May we who have the flexibility to care for our children when their schools close

Remember those who have no options.

May we who have had to cancel our trips

Remember those that have no safe place to go.

May we who are losing our margin money in the tumult of the economic market

Remember those who have no margin at all.

May we who settle in for a quarantine at home

Remember those who have no home.

As fear grips our country,

Let us choose love.

During this time when we cannot physically wrap our arms around each other,

Let us yet find ways to be the loving embrace of God to our neighbors.


And now for the HUMOR:
George Phillips , an elderly man from   Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up   to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom  window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”
He said “No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and   stealing from me!”
Then the police dispatcher said, “All patrols are busy!  You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”
George said, “Okay.”
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.  Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.  Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them both!”  And he hung up.
Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”
(True Story)  
Don’t mess with old people!
A distraught senior citizen   phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication   you prescribed has to be taken   for the rest of my life?”
“‘Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor    told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,   “I’m wondering, then,   just how serious is my condition because this prescription is   marked    ‘NO REFILLS’….”
An older gentleman was on the operating table  awaiting surgery   and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervous, son!  Do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife….”
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your   age   and start bragging about it.    This is so true.
I love    to hear them say,    “You don’t look that old.”
The older we get the fewer things   seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place.)
When you are dissatisfied    and would like to go back to youth,   think of Algebra.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging   is that it is such a nice change   from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,   but being old is (sometimes) comfortable.  
Two guys, one old and one young,   are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart    when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy,    “Sorry about that.  I’m looking for my wife,   and I guess I    wasn’t paying attention   to where I was going.”
The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a  coincidence.   I’m looking for my wife, too…I can’t find her and I’m getting a little  desperate.”
The old guy says,    “Well, maybe I can help you find her…     What does she look like?”
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 years old, tall,   with red hair,   blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra,   long legs,   and is wearing short shorts.    What does    your    wife look like?”
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t    matter,    — let’s look for yours.”
(And this final one!)    
“Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder   and your hand over my mouth!”
Now, if you feel that none of this applies to you   . . .   stick around awhile . . .    it soon will!
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