Wednesday, April 15th: Mid-Week Humor

How to bring CHEER to yourself and your neighbors!

The City of Winchester asks the community to participate in a new Hearts for Heroes (H4H) campaign. Decorate your front door or window (or yard) with hearts to show your appreciation for the hard work and sacrifices of our local heroes every day and especially during the COVID-19 pandemic (i.e. police officers, firefighters, medical personnel, dispatchers, social workers, farmers, truck and transit drivers, utilities personnel, teachers, food service workers, custodians, and more). Those who participate are asked to proudly share a picture of their hearts on social media with hashtag #HeartsforHeroes. Get creative and have fun!

How the Virus Stole Easter

THOU SHALT STAY THE HELL HOME!  This funny bit calls out the hypocrisy of those who insist on close gatherings in churches and other places despite the need to stay segregated during the current pandemic.  Enjoy the message of “Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian”.

While you are at it, enjoy her “Viruses Don’t Watch FoxNews” hereor her really great “10 Things About Patriotism” here.

Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary:

Day 1 – I can do this!  Got enough food and wine to last a month!

Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of wine.  I fear wine supplies might not last!

Day 3 – Strawberries.  Some have 210 seeds; some have 235 seeds.  Who knew?

Day 4 – 8:00pm.  Removed my day pajamas and put on my night pajamas.

Day 5 – Today, I tried to make hand sanitizer.  It came out as Jello shots!

Day 6 – I get to take the garbage out.  I’m so excited, I can’t decide what to wear.

Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!

Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business.

Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room.  Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going bar hopping.

Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a spider today.  Seems nice.  He’s a web designer.

Day 11 – Isolation is hard.  I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”

Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks, or car rides.  I think I just barked at a squirrel.

Day 13 – If you keep a glass of wine in each hand, you can’t accidently touch your face.

Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm.  The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3-1.

And the beat goes on…

THOU SHALT STAY THE HELL HOME!  This funny bit calls out the hypocrisy of those who insist on close gatherings in churches and other places despite the need to stay segregated during the current pandemic.  Enjoy the message of “Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian”.

While you are at it, enjoy her “Viruses Don’t Watch FoxNews” here or her really great “10 Things About Patriotism” here.

IN THE BUFF.  Nudists in the Czech Republic can no longer go completely nude in public.  They must wear at lease a face mask and gather in appropriate numbers.

LINCOLN & FLU.  What happened when Abraham Lincoln got the flu?  Read this opinion piece and learn.  It’s actually a fun, factual read that will give you a good laugh or two.

BATHROOM HUMOR or IMPORTANT FACTS?.  Why a toilet paper shortage?  It may not be what you think.  Per this 6-minute MSNBC video, it isn’t how much you use it, but where you use it.  Watch the video to understand why that matters.  It makes sense.

JOKE:  A Democrat and a republican walk into a bar.  The Democrat is severed a Martini.  The republican is served court orders to appear on charges of corruption.

trump and the Titanic

And finally, a word from President Obama:

Hello Democrat:

Let me start by saying the obvious – these aren’t normal times. As we all manage our way through a pandemic unlike anything we’ve seen in a century, Michelle and I hope that you and your families are safe and well.

Over the past weeks, we’ve seen plenty of examples of the kind of courage, kindness, and selflessness that we’re going to need to get through one of the most difficult times in our history. We have been amazed at the incredible bravery of our medical professionals who are putting their lives on the line to save others. The public servants and health officials battling this disease. The workers taking risks every day to keep our economy running. And everyone who’s making their own sacrifice at home with their families, all for the greater good.

But if there’s one thing we’ve learned as a country from moments of great crisis, it’s that the spirit of looking out for one another can’t be restricted to our homes, or our workplaces, or our neighborhoods, or our houses of worship. It also has to be reflected in our national government. The kind of leadership that’s guided by knowledge and experience; honesty and humility; empathy and grace – that kind of leadership doesn’t just belong in our state capitols and mayors’ offices. It belongs in the White House.

And that’s why I’m so proud to endorse Joe Biden for President of the United States. Barack Obama

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